Reflecting On Smoking

Day #1 - Cut Down, Vape instead.

Today i've begun the process of eliminating my smoking habit. I've been smoking for 14 years and i've never really been ashamed of it - I liked smoking but with them costing nearly £8.00 a packet, my constant chest infections and the fact that i stink. I've decided its time to quit. I am compensating with the use of e-cigarettes. Helping me cut down and finally stop altogether.

wow it was 14 Years ago.. The day I started I was a young boy with a proud smile on my face I approached one of the regular school entrepreneurs. You know, one of those kids that are happy to sell you their dinner ticket, sweets and of course a single cigarette for around 25p – 35p (at the time, probably about 75p each now!). With the lunch money my mum worked her ass off to provide me, I purchased one of those single cigarettes and made my way to the local shop near school. This is where the smoking kids hung out, it was just out of sight of the school, through the prison-like iron gates and round to the left. There were some hedges and other obstacles that obscured what us mischievous kids got up too round there and normally that was a good thing; but while my memory serves me right I recall wanting everyone, the teachers, the janitor and all the kids that I wasn’t sure thought enough of me. I wanted them all to see me confidently and arrogantly stroll around the corner for a cigarette. I’m no teacher’s pet, not a geek. I am strong, proud and one of them!

It wasn’t the first time I’d tried a cigarette. As an even younger child I recall picking up a lit cigarette bud with my childhood friend and taking turns at trying it. It wasn’t great to be honest and to make things worse, my dad found out and made me inhale a real cigarette, a Regal. (this is one of those fuzzy memories that may not be 100% true) – This was some kind of attempt to make me ill and never want to try a cigarette again. Probably works for 99% of kids and although I turned a funny colour of green and coughed for the rest of the afternoon. I recall strangely liking it.

As I approached the shop near my school, I remember exuding more confidence than I usually did – a kind of “look at me” swagger in my steps. I walked up, leaned against a wall and placed the cigarette in my mouth and felt around my pockets knowing full well I didn’t have a lighter until eventually approaching one of the other children that I considered to be “cool”, a mirror ball of popular opinion I could bounce my new light off. The kind of kid that created nicknames for other kids that lasted their whole school life. Myself Not included, unfortunately my nickname had been well established in primary school and followed me into high school. That’s another story though. Once I was ready, I swaggered over and asked him for a “light”.

I remember this part well because although I “thought” I was doing something positive and I thought that I impressed someone out there. That wasn’t the case. I was being mocked. It was funny, a surprise. At the time I was quiet, introverted and considered “geeky” and my reputation was literally a joke. So this was out of character for me, unexpected and made the other kids laugh in surprise. Like watching the chuckle brothers get in a fight!

The kid I borrowed the lighter from gasped and shouted out to everyone, “Look, Mathieson’s smoking, ‘ooft’ and it’s a club ”. The club of course referring to the brand of cigarette, it was considered the strongest. A comment from one of the girls followed as she laughed in a belittling tone outlining that I’d be “setting about the teacher and everything after I smoked that”.

The moment I’d been waiting for and even though the attention I got was in humour, I proudly lit the cigarette and inhaled it’s luring poison for what I’d consider to be the beginning of my smoking life and all the while the kids watched expecting me to “whitey” (cough uncontrollably, throw up) – I didn’t. I smoked the whole thing to my head basking in some sort of delusional admiration; such a fool, but what a rush.

I spent many school afternoons around that shop and later became the entrepreneur that began my smoking habits and funded them throughout my school life.